Most people use pictures to express themselves or some secret talent that nobody every knew about. To be honest though, I find myself writing.... ALOT. The words may get jumbled in my head and slightly distorted when it comes to publishing, but that is the beauty about writing. Through writing everyone is unique and EVERYONE has a story. I like to think that mine started on May 15, 1995.....at-least that's what my birth certificate says. But lets skip past the diaper stage and the infamous "terrible two's" (which seemed to always be extended in my bloodline).
I remember growing up and thinking that i had the "7th Heaven" family. Because lets face it, my dad was a pastor and that was just the way the cookie crumbled. My life consisted of waking up early on Sunday mornings so i could battle with my mom over what dress she would try to make me get into for Sunday service and attending an elementary school were you were known as a some kind of a legacy because of your brother. Which in my case was not always a good thing. Note to self: Next time do NOT listen to your brother when he tells you it will be funny if you let off a stink bomb in your classroom. I still think that is on my record. Then my whole world was flipped upside down at the beginning of 6th grade. I can still remember hearing the cracks in my dads voice the morning he told me what my birth mother had done. I remember getting warm embraces and condolences from family members that had knew about the sinful transgressions from the very beginning, and yet chose to lie to my face. I remember the look in my fathers eyes when he told me over and over and over again that he was ''sorry for what is to come in the future''. At that point in my life I was too close to the campfire to see that there was a forest fire up ahead. That time in my life was the most tragic and yet the happiest. I say that because at that time in my life it felt like I lost a mother (one of which it never felt like i had in the first place), but through that trial i also gained a mother. Although at that point and for the following five years i would've never admitted it. But going through the ONE TREE HILL drama with my birth mother for five years jaded my views towards the one women who, in her crazy way of showing it, had always been here. I’m not afraid to admit that even to this day the past has its way of effecting our relationship. Then came the high school years. Ones I wish I would have taken more serious and lived life more. I wish I would have acted like a normal high school student and gone to more football games. Instead I let the unfortunate bulling of my entire freshmen year and some of my sophmore year effect how timid I was in high school. It wasn’t until my junior year that I started to crack out of my shell. By the time that I had started letting people see the real me and make friends I was already shaking Dr. Longs hand and receiving my diploma. I got a certificate, but for what though? For going to a building and being just another body for four years. For being an average A/B student. What do I have to show for those four years that is certificate worthy? March 25th 2012. That’s what I have to show. The day that this pastors kid redirected her eyes to her Father. Through all the tragedy and heartache that had transpired in my life I still found my way back to him. I battled bulling, depression, addiction, and the list could go on and on. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve seen tragedy in my past, I feel heartaches in the now, and I predict even worse despair in the future, but the moral of this story, of the story of my life, of your life, and of everyone’s life is that we may not know what tomorrow holds, but Beloved it is so crucial to know WHO holds tomorrow. Know that every choice you make matters. Every word, whether it be mumbled or shouted from the mountain tops, IS heard. Live a life that you will be happy with when judgment day arrives. Do things not for yourself but for our father, our creator, our faithful friend. Preach at all times, use words if necessary! Because they don’t care what you know, until they know that you care. And remember NO mistake is too big for the LORD. It has taken me a while to understand that and I still don’t fully understand it but I’m trying and I can promise you that once you learn to try to receive that lesson your whole world will be changed. Guys Freedom tastes good, and through him all chains are broken. Be FREE in Jesus name! -Love Always, Beka |
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